She matched you and sent "hey."
Not "hey, I noticed you work in..." Not "hey, I've been to that bar you're at in your third photo." Just - hey. One word, no punctuation, no effort.
I know exactly what that feels like. You stare at it for a second. You're not sure if you should be flattered she opened first or suspicious that it's a bot. Then you default to typing "hey" back and watching the whole thing die in under three messages.
I've been there, and I've coached enough guys through it to know the "hey back" is almost always the wrong move. Here's how to actually handle it - and what it means when someone sends it in the first place.
What a low-effort "hey" is really telling you
She liked your photos enough to swipe right and she was bored or bold enough to message first. That's it. That's all the information you have.
It's not a green light for anything deep. It's not a red flag either. Think of it as a low-bar test: she's curious enough to open, but she's not going to carry this for you. She sent the first message, so now she's waiting to see if you're worth the energy of an actual conversation. A "hey" back tells her no.
The move isn't to match her energy. It's to bring enough energy for both of you - but tethered to something real in her profile, not just manufactured enthusiasm.
The rule I give every guy I coach
Before you reply to anything, open her profile. Look at it properly for thirty seconds. Photos, bio, prompts - anything that stands out. Your job is to find one thread worth pulling. A dog, a show, a location, a job that seems weird, a photo that tells a story. Anything.
The reason this matters is you're not going to out-charm a "hey" with pure wit in a vacuum. You need a foothold. If you react to something specific, your message sounds like a real person paying attention. If you don't have a foothold, you're just making noise.
Example replies for different vibes
Once you've found your thread in her profile, the structure is simple: optional light acknowledgment of the "hey," a reaction to something specific on her profile, and an easy question she can answer without much thinking. You're not interrogating her - you're giving her something to grab onto.
Here are five structures that work, with examples you can adapt. These are not scripts to copy word-for-word. Find the detail on her actual profile and build the same shape around it.
She has a dog in half her photos:
Hey! I want to be transparent - I'm 70% here for you and 30% here for the golden in your second photo. Is that a deal-breaker, or are we negotiating?
She has a bio that mentions a niche interest (cooking, hiking, a specific show):
Okay I matched with someone who actually has a Succession opinion and now I'm not prepared. Take it you've seen it through? Hot take incoming or are we safe?
Her bio is a list of places she's traveled:
You've been to more countries in your mid-twenties than most people hit in a lifetime. Which one was actually worth the hype and which one let you down the most?
She opened with "hey" and her profile is weirdly sparse - no bio, just photos:
Brave opening. I feel like you're making me do all the work here, which I respect strategically. Okay - coffee or beer, weekdays or weekends?
This last one is your move when there's nothing to grab from her profile. The two-path question gives her a fast and easy way to answer and opens two topics at once. It's not as strong as having a real foothold, but it's infinitely better than "haha hey."
The playful call-out (use sparingly - only if her profile has any personality at all):
Solid opener. I almost said "hey" back just to match the energy but then I read your profile and figured you could do better than that.
This one only lands if she has a bio or prompts that show she has a sense of humor. If her profile is blank, calling out the "hey" sounds like a lecture.
What not to do
The empty profile problem
Sometimes she has no bio, the prompts are blank, and three of her five photos are group shots where you're not certain which one she is. No real foothold to grab.
In that case, your best moves are the two-path question above or a light observation about what you can see. If she has one clear solo photo, you can mention something in the background. If she lists a job, you can react to that.
What you should not do is panic and send something generic like "so what are you up to?" That's a "hey" with extra steps. It puts all the work back on her with no energy to respond to.
Don't open with "hey" yourself - ever
I'd be leaving this half-done if I didn't say it plainly: if you're the one opening, a "hey" is a waste of the match. You put in the swipe, she matched you, and your opening offer is one word? That's like showing up to a job interview and handing them a blank resume.
A "hey" open doesn't get you blocked - it just gets you ignored. She probably has twenty messages waiting and yours disappears into the pile.
If you want to start the conversation properly, you need to react to something on her profile from the jump. I've written a whole breakdown on exactly that, but the short version is: one specific detail, a reaction that shows a bit of your personality, and ideally an easy question she can answer in under ten words.
Once you get past the "hey" - what's next
If your reply lands and she comes back with something real, you're off to the races. Now the game shifts to keeping it moving without letting it go stale in the chat.
The mistake I see most often at this point is guys relaxing once the conversation's going and slipping back into interview mode - good questions to ask matter here, but it's about how you use them, not how many you fire off.
And when the conversation's actually got some energy, that's your window to move it somewhere real. Don't let it sit in the chat for two weeks. That's when things quietly die. Everything you do from "hey" onward is just building enough warmth to make asking her out feel obvious, not desperate.
The short version
She sent "hey" - that's fine. Open her profile, find something specific, build a reply around it. Don't mirror the low effort. Don't match the one-word energy with a one-word reply. Bring enough personality for both of you until she starts carrying her half.
And if you're the one opening - don't send "hey." Ever.
If you want the full system - profile, openers, conversation frameworks, and the exact scripts I use to move a match to a date - it's all inside the Swiping Secrets playbook. That's where I put everything that doesn't fit in a single post.